You Can't Take It With You

Those who have been following my previous entries chronicling my Saturn Return will know that my Return was exact on September 10th. For a while, especially since I started learning more about the Return, I've wondered how that exact moment would feel. A sense of completion? A satisfying view from the top after a long climb? If only.

No, on September 10th I was finishing up one of the most tumultuous transitions of my life -- a major move. I was hoping the exact Return would go smoothly, but Saturn threw limitations and road blocks at every turn. And keeping with the whole joint property theme of Saturn in the 8th House, I spent the exact moment of my Return surrounded by boxes bound for the new place my partner and I were moving in together.

I also spent my Return surrounded by the detritus of my life. Stuff from old roommates. Stuff from old lovers. Stuff from college. Stuff from childhood. Stuff from my parents. Where did all this stuff come from?? There was no room for it in the new apartment and Saturn in Virgo forced me to purge as I threw one thing after another into black garbage bags. No, dear, you can't take it with you. So I shed my old skin and out it went to the curb for trash pick up.

Here I am on the other side of my Return and it feels a little scary I have to admit. A new life, a cleared landscape, increased responsibilities, and shared resources. My partner even spotted my first gray hair the other day! Then again if I made it through the hell of the last two years without a gray hair it would have been a miracle.

The Scythe

Before the discovery of Uranus in the 18th century, Saturn was the last of the seven planets known to ancient astrologers. Being the furthest out and the slowest in movement, the planet was feared and came to represent a number of archetypes -- the Grim Reaper and Father Time. It's no accident that the symbol that represents Saturn is a scythe and it's no accident that when Saturn returns its position at the time of birth people feel the planet's swift and exacting blade.

You reap what you sow and Saturn is there to remind you that.

Everyone has their own personal Saturn lesson determined by birth. According to Liz Greene in her 1976 book, "Saturn: A New Look at an Old Devil," there is no fast and easy way to make a friend of Saturn. The planet is there, with a strong dose of tough love, to tell you that the party is over. Get your act in gear and start getting serious about life. It's little wonder that Saturn is representative of the father archetype.

When I was talking to a friend the other day, who is also 29, we both remarked how our lives fell apart around our 28th birthdays. She has Saturn in the 11th house and last summer she saw each and every friendship of hers tested. In many cases she had dramatic falling outs with friends that she had known for years. As Saturn moved through my 8th house, I saw someone take power from me and I saw my debt grow to enormous levels. No, there is no fast and easy way to make a friend of Saturn.

Now that I'm about to hit my exact Saturn Return on September 10th, I have the luxury of hindsight to understand the full grasp of Saturn's lesson for me and that despite the severity, it was a lesson that my soul needed. Saturn in Virgo says clean up your act and don't overwork yourself. Saturn in the 8th house says get your finances in order and don't cede power to anyone. Those were tough lessons, but Saturn has bestowed maturity via my Return to appreciate them.

Saturn Returns

On my 28th birthday, surrounded by an apartment full of friends, I celebrated the day with the usual fanfare and healthy dose of hedonism. I was feeling good! I was looking good! But one of the things I remember most about that birthday was a conversation with a guest brought by a friend of mine. She was a very nice woman who is a few years older than I am -- wise enough that when she found out how old I was turning, she immediately grimaced, "Oh, watch out. You're about to hit your Saturn Return."

Now I had studied astrology on and off since I was a teenager and was familiar enough with the Saturn Return that her comment wasn't met with a blank stare. In fact, I think I laughed it off at the time. But nothing could have prepared me for the wild ride in store -- the life altering and earth shattering havoc that was about to ensue. My party guest had unknowingly channeled Saturn with her words Watch out. Call it Saturn's opening salvo.

I'm going to be talking about my Saturn Return in this blog, personally recounting the planet's transit through my 8th House on his way to meet up with my natal Saturn at 12 degrees Virgo in the 9th House. Saturn's movement through the 8th House, like a scythe sweeping across my life, hasn't been an easy placement, but it has made for some interesting stories.

And Now For Something Completely Different...

Here at Saturn Return HQ, we've decided to celebrate the coming Full Moon Eclipse in Aquarius (August 16th) by inviting all of you to join us in the blogosphere. Oh the humanity! We start today by introducing Katie, a true Saturn in Virgo and our brilliant assistant/astrology apprentice. We hired her because we knew she'd be amazing with details, and boy has she been so far! Katie will be blogging about her Saturn Return experiences over the coming months. Her Saturn Return is going to be exact this fall. Katie is the perfect example of why understanding the SR in advance is the key to survival.


We'll be opening up the blog to comments as well. We look forward to hearing about your current/post/or future Saturn Return experiences/fears/thoughts/ideas/resolutions/revolutions/evolutions. Join the party!

Saturn's Theater

Saturn prepares for his debut.

Heath Ledger's Saturn Return

With deep grief, I post this blog about the death of actor Heath Ledger, whom I've adored since he came on the scene with 10 Things I hate About You in 1999. His death is a tremendous shock and a great tragedy; he was the father of a two-year-old girl and an actor with great talent and promise. Heath would have been twenty-nine in April. Transiting Saturn was exactly conjunct his natal Saturn, at 8 degrees of Virgo, on the afternoon of his death. Translation: he died at the exact moment of his Saturn Return. It is positively ghoulish. Saturn is a tough customer, but rarely does the Cosmic Taskmaster work in such deadly and permanent ways.

Signs of Saturn in Virgo

We've endured two-and-a-half years of Saturn's celebrity-obsessed transit through Leo, the sign of divas and drama-queens. Enough about Britney, Paris and Lindsay, says Big Daddy Saturn: let's get serious. The hyper-superficiality of recent times is on the wane. At the personal and collective level, Saturn in Virgo gets us pure, or tries to. As with any Saturn transit, the more you fight it, the more it holds firm and forces you to deal with its lessons and truths.

Revelations to come are all about using discrimination; no more painting broad strokes like we did under big-picture Leo. The nitty-gritty is here to stay for the next two-and-a-half years. Our leaders will be forced to do their due-diligence, or hit the road. Same for us; especially those of us born between approximately 1978 and 1981, or the early 1950s. The first reverberations of your Saturn Return kick up in the next few weeks. (Stay tuned for more details on what to expect in the coming months.)

Al Gore has been sounding the alarm on the fate of our planet for years, but he'll be pleased to see how Saturn in Virgo finally gets the populace to serious work on cleaning our air, dealing with climate change, and going organic. Virgo is the sign of the body, of health and healing; when Saturn moves into this constellation our awareness turns toward purification at a personal and global level. Thus, all the recent talk about health care programs is astrologically appropriate. People will begin to grow and buy local, or Saturn will force a reckoning. Michael Moore's smash hit "Sicko", about the ills of the health care industry, is just the beginning of the exposure of the dirt and grime beneath our collective fingernails. Ditto for lead paint in Chinese toys, poison in pet food (Virgo rules domestic animals, also why the Michael Vick story is getting so much attention), and the recent coal mining story in Utah. That industry is yet another underbelly about to be scrutinized, and hopefully drawn, quartered and regulated by the Democratic congress. If they fail to act, they'll be Saturnized right out of office. The public is going to demand a clean bill of health.

There are plenty of things to get neurotic about in the coming years. (Woody Allen doesn't have a thing on anxiety-ridden, nervous-Nelly Virgo). Start with all forms of bio-terror and get your knickers in a twist about toxic waste and nuclear accidents. The good news? Saturn is much more at home in Virgo than it was in Leo -- he has less to complain about. He just wants us to read the fine print.

Leo rules the heart -- and Katrina, the major event of our Saturn in Leo journey, broke many. When Saturn enters Virgo on September 2nd, we'll find thousands still suffering, still sick, and in need of deep healing. When Saturn last transited Virgo, "No Nukes" activism began in earnest, and started getting major media attention. Peak oil is about to become the new cultural buzzword, no longer the most censored story. The oil industry, the dirtiest of them all, is about to face its final battle. The last gas crisis, under Saturn's transit through Leo and Virgo in the late 70s, was nothing compared with what's to come. SUV's are over; I wish I could say the same thing for war.

**Also unnerving is the fact that the Shah of Iran was deposed during the last Saturn in Virgo transit -- the Islamic Revolution is about to go through its first Saturn Return. Um, yikes?

Things to be Thankful For

If our dear readers will allow a holiday indulgence in the spirit of the feast, we'll admit a humdinger of a crush on Sam Talbot, current Top Chef contestant and former Lower East Side pushcart vendor. This Saturn-ruled specimen is a self-styled socialist, with a blog to match. How totally swoon-worthy. Socially-conscious hotness meets passionate man that cooks. For a LIVING. Had I known they made men this way anymore, I would have wasted less time.

Sam's 29th birthday is just a month or so away, and it appears as if he'll spend his Saturn Return in the spotlight. Will he win the title of Top Chef? I predict yes, but with his Saturn at 0 degrees of Virgo, the next two years should prove full of challenges around staying spiritually connected in the midst of overscheduling. He'll need to find time for himself. (I hope that doesn't interfere with cooking breakfast in bed for me.) For all you kids born between November of 1977 and September of 1980, you're up next for a Saturnian sojourn.

And while we're on the subject of things to be thankful for, the Democratic sweep of Congress takes the cake and the Tofurkey, too.

PS --

In the department of karmic coincidences, let it be noted that Sam and I were interviewed by Gothamist merely a year apart. Is this a match made in heaven, or what?

Happy 30th, Angelina

Even Uber-Goddess Angelina Jolie can't avoid inevitable tangles with Big Daddy Saturn. Ms. Jolie just had her 30th birthday on June 4th. Now that Saturn is leaving Cancer for a two and a half year stay in the constellation of Leo, watch for Jolie's focus to move from home-wrecking to domestic goddess duty.

But before her current Pitt-stop, there was Billy. None of us can forget the tattoos and pledges of undying love, can we? Her marriage to Thorton, twenty years her senior, ended in 2003, just when Saturn entered Cancer and her Saturn Return began. Notorious for her difficult relationship to famous father Jon Voight, Angelina revisited some of her heavy duty father issues with this deeply Saturnian relationship. Born with her Saturn in Cancer and in the fourth house of home and family, Ms. Jolie had a most tumultuous childhood. Now that her Saturn Return is finally over, we hope that smooth waters will prevail.

Queen Bee slammed by King Saturn

L'il Kim was was convicted of perjury today, proving once again that Saturn's lessons can be harsh ones. Kimberly Jones was born in 1975, when Saturn was last in Cancer. With her Saturn Return exact, the verdict is no surprise -- Saturn won't let us get away with much.

hard work

Not that we're obsessed or anything, but GWB's debate debacle last Thursday illustrates the hazards of the Saturn Return so elegantly that we have to say it again. On Friday, October 1st, 2004, the day that the pundits came out in force to say that Kerry hit a knock-out punch against the commander-in-chief, Saturn returned EXACTLY to Bush's natal Saturn placement. When Bush was born on July 6th, 1946, Saturn sat at 26 degrees of Cancer. On Friday, Saturn came back around to 26 degrees of Cancer for the first time since August 1975: Bush's first Saturn Return. Although the facts are somewhat sketchy, sources say that the early seventies were Bush's hardest-partying years. Bush's natal Saturn is in his 12th house of secrets, lies, and addiction. His alcoholism and those years of missing-in-action resonate perfectly with his chart.

In our book, Surviving Saturn's Return, we repeat ad nauseum that the Saturn Return is hard work. Nobody seems to know this better than Bush. He repeatd that telling phrase a total of 11 times during Thursday's debate.

Despite the Machiavellian strategies of the Bush campaign (maliciously maligning Kerry over the last few weeks) Bush could not help but engage in a karmic self-undoing of the highest order. If he refuses to answer to the subterfuge of his first Saturn Return and all the years since, Bush will be hard-pressed to survive his second. It bears repeating: there's no side-stepping when it comes to Saturn.