Don't You Forget About Him: John Hughes Dies During His Second Saturn Return

The legendary director John Hughes has died of a heart attack in the midst of his second Saturn Return today. Death during the Saturn Return is rather rare -- there are usually other transits involved. For Hughes, Wednesday's full moon lunar eclipse played a major role -- it hit his sun and opposed his Pluto. With Michael Jackson and now John Hughes gone, the eighties feel ancient, and for a generation of puellas and puers, fully and finally dead.

Just a smattering of the movies he either wrote or directed:

The Breakfast Club
Weird Science
Ferris Bueller's Day Off
Sixteen Candles
Pretty In Pink

His Neptune (ruler of film) was in artistic Libra, trining his Jupiter in forward-thinking Aquarius. He put the words in our mouths before we knew we wanted to say them. John Hughes defined a generation of awkward, geek-loving, Atari-playing, Depeche-Mode-loving soon-to-be Gen X'ers. He will be missed.

Dear Mr. Vernon: We accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole Saturday in detention for whatever it is we did wrong, but we think you're crazy for making us write an essay telling you who we think we are. You see us as you want to see us: in the simplest terms, in the most convenient definitions. But what we found out is that each one of us is a brain, and an athlete, and a basket case, a princess, and a criminal. Does that answer your question? Sincerely yours, The Breakfast Club

Second Saturn Return Setback: Annie Liebovitz Faces the Cosmic Taskmaster

With her sun in Libra making her one of the major arbiters of beauty in our culture, Annie Leibovitz's gifts can't be denied. But now that she's caught up in the challenges of her second Saturn return, her life seems decidedly less glamorous. Born in 1949 with her Saturn in perfectionist Virgo, Liebovitz has made a career of creating shocking but elegant images of famous people. Although she is one of the best paid photographers in the biz, with a seven-figure salary from Vanity Fair, apparently Saturn didn't lend her money skills. We don't know her birth time, but we can safely assume that her Saturn (or another malefic planet) resides in her second house of income or her eighth house of other people's money.

During her first Saturn Return in 1980, her most remarkable moment was capturing the iconic image of a naked John Lennon curled around a clothed Yoko Ono, just hours before his death. WIll this image now have to be sold to protect Liebovitz from financial ruin? This is a sad, albeit instructive story for women dealing with money, and dealing with Big Daddy Saturn. Make sure that you have your affairs in order, whether you're struggling for every penny or making money hand over fist.

The First Casualty of the Saturn in Libra Era

Dash Snow, Enfant Terrible, addict, artist and all-around crazed dreamer, has joined what's come to be known as the 27 Club, just another euphemism for a very deadly Saturn Return. He died right on the cusp of his 28th birthday, just months before his official Saturn Return was about to begin. The coming Saturn in Libra years will be all about art, beauty, love, partnership, justice, and the way we choose to see ourselves through the eyes of others. Snow was immersed in both beauty and ugliness, exposing the grit of our world through his art.

As Saturn in Virgo comes to a close this fall, those of you born in the early 80s are getting a glimpse of what it means to come full circle. You are in the crucible, in the purification ritual, and you have the opportunity to come out alive, a new and better version of yourself when you're all done. Take extreme examples like that of Snow's life and death as grand metaphors for what not to do during your Saturn Return.

Why Michael Jackson Hated the Man in the Mirror

Michael Jackson was a classic Virgo. His life, from the very start, was dedicated to serving up a constant source of catharsis for those of us that watched him dance and sing. He gave every single ounce of his energy to perfecting his art and then sending it out for public consumption. Over the last few days everyone has been talking about his precision, his work-ethic, his drive, his perfectionism. Barry Gordy, the head of Motown, remarked on Larry King that of all the Jackson Five, Michael was the most focused -- even as the youngest, he was always "studying" everything around him, trying to get it right. With his sun (life force) conjunct Pluto (fear, darkness) in his fourth house of home, his father Joseph was the demon patriarch who drove Michael to work as hard as he did, or face a beating. He literally had to dance for his dinner, or he'd be blamed for his father's failings. The immense guilt and responsibility Michael felt as an innocent child was transmuted into his relentless drive to get it right, and his drive to be the King of Pop. You don't manifest what Michael did without wanting it more than anything else in the world. The truth behind Michael's Plutonian, Virgoan striving is that he probably did it all to please his father. The unconscious is a powerful force and Michael, with his Plutonian signature, was completely driven by its longings. If it is indeed true that MJ sexually abused young boys, one can lay the blame directly at his father's feet.

Although his birth time is disputed, the Gemini rising chart seems the most accurate. Gemini is the sign of youth, the Puer Aeternus, of ambiguous sexuality, of never wanting to grow up, Peter Pan complexes, media savvy, trends, and a wiry, flexible body type. His ascendant is most evident in the videos that he made for the 1979 record Off the Wall. Check out "Rock with You", where his costume of silver sequins, with vertical stripes on his pants looks almost court jesterish, perfectly fitting the Gemini rising persona. In "Don't Stop Til You Get Enough" he wears a tux, floating over a moving background of stars like a sprite. MJ bought the Neverland Ranch during his Saturn return -- an overt admission that he never wanted to grow up. This was also around the time that things started to shift for Michael after his career apotheosis with Thriller in 1983. (Note the lyrics to "Thriller" - "It's close to midnight, and something evil's lurking in the dark." This is a deeply Plutonian line.) During his Saturn return he let his freak flag fly, practically giving the finger to the media while at the same time courting it. He was rumored to attempt to buy the bones of the Elephant Man, and his addiction to plastic surgery began. When his SR was almost exact, Bad was released. People found it rather hilarious that this gentle-voiced shy singer would be compelled to tell the world that he was "Bad" as if he was trying to compete with gangsta rappers. But what he was really saying was that inside, he felt like he was a bad boy -- probably because that's what his father told him over and over again, no matter how hard he tried. "Man in the Mirror", one of the most popular tracks on that record, is in many ways an acknowledgement that Michael understood what the universe wanted for him.

The lyrics include these lines:

As I, Turn Up The Collar On My
Favourite Winter Coat
This Wind Is Blowin' My Mind

I'm Starting With The Man In
The Mirror
I'm Asking Him To Change
His Ways
And No Message Could Have
Been Any Clearer
If You Wanna Make The World
A Better Place
(If You Wanna Make The
World A Better Place)
Take A Look At Yourself, And
Then Make A Change

Everyone in their Saturn return needs to heed these words if he or she wants to survive the transition and thrive. For Michael, the Saturn return was the beginning of a downward spiral that ended in his death. Because he could not find any kind of real, personal one-to-one love in his life due to a warped sexuality and damaged trust, Michael turned to the love of his fans for succor. In the months before his death, transiting Saturn was opposing his moon, squaring his natal Saturn and opposing his ascendant. These on their own are not signatures for death, but most certainly signs of exhaustion, depression, alienation, and desperation. And in the end, as he prepared for a comeback, Michael finally succumbed to all those challenges. The quintessential Virgo can finally rest; may he do so in peace.

Heath Ledger's Saturn Return

With deep grief, I post this blog about the death of actor Heath Ledger, whom I've adored since he came on the scene with 10 Things I hate About You in 1999. His death is a tremendous shock and a great tragedy; he was the father of a two-year-old girl and an actor with great talent and promise. Heath would have been twenty-nine in April. Transiting Saturn was exactly conjunct his natal Saturn, at 8 degrees of Virgo, on the afternoon of his death. Translation: he died at the exact moment of his Saturn Return. It is positively ghoulish. Saturn is a tough customer, but rarely does the Cosmic Taskmaster work in such deadly and permanent ways.

Big Daddy Saturn Sends Paris to the Big House

Saturn is responsible for the sign by the cash register at your fave cafe that says, "Karma is a Boomerang". Paris Hilton apparently can't wrap her little blond brain around this concept, but she'll be getting quite an ass-kicking cosmic lesson during the forty-five days she'll spend at the local LA klink staring on June 5th. She failed to comply with probation for a past drunk driving violation, effectively flipping off Saturn and earning his wrath, much to the amusement of the vast majority of the American public.

With many planets in Aquarius opposing her moon in Leo, it's no wonder that Paris is a fame-whore. Saturn's current transit through the sign of the lion has caused this celebutante some major consternation. Although she's still a few years away from her Saturn Return, Big Daddy is bringing down his black boot right now. Saturn rules time, and Paris better do hers now or she'll have to pay the piper when she turns thirty. Even the Hilton's won't be able to afford that particular tab.

Don Imus, meet the Cosmic Taskmaster

After being called out for his racist, misogynistic rant last week, Don Imus was fired from both his daily simulcast on MSNBC and his radio show on CBS. Saturn is currently squaring his natal Saturn. Let's take it straight from astrology god Robert Hand. This is his description of Don's current transit:

Most often this influence is experienced as a sort of identity crisis in which you begin to question what you are doing. You may suffer a crisis of confidence at this time, fearing that you have made the wrong moves in life or committed yourself to some course of action that will not be good in the long run. During this period you will think about and question all the long-term trends in your life. You will not be thinking about trivial matters.

Sometimes a particular event triggers off this period of soul-searching. Others may create difficulties for you, especially in your business or professional area. Perhaps they detect the first signs of insecurity that will afflict you during this period. If they are people who naturally compete with you, they may try to take advantage of your apparent weakness. Employers and other superiors may also sense your feelings of insecurity and wonder whether you are the right person for the job you are doing.


One thing for is for sure, Mr. Imus better heed Saturn's lesson or he'll never see work again. A lot of commentator's are suggesting that he wasn't quite contrite enough, and obviously the cosmos are in complete agreement. Saturn is not one to be trifled with. Let's hope he goes after Rush Limbaugh, Bill O'Reilly, Glenn Beck and their ilk next. Fair is fair.

Saturn Shaves Brtiney Bald

Poor little Britney Spears. Her slow spiral downward sped up last fall, when Jupiter in Sagittarius set off a period of wild expansion. Now, courtesy of Saturn, Britney has really hit bottom. The Cosmic Taskmaster, planet of karma, is touching off planets in Britney's first house, ruling appearance and identity. Currently Saturn is sextiling her natal Saturn - forcing her to look at herself with a ginormous magnifying glass. The truth is that astrologically, this new 'do is a good thing for Britney -- she's shedding the past and absolving herself of negative baggage.

It's kind of ironic that's she's been wearing a Star of David while getting tattoos. Getting inked is actually against Jewish law, but whatever. She's two full years away from her Saturn Return, but preparing herself in advance. There won't be anything left to go through by the time she turns thirty. This little lost soul might just get found before by the time Saturn sextiles her Pluto sometime this summer.

Katie, Scientology and Saturn

So those crazy kids went off and got hitched this past weekend in a remote Italian village. Despite her Georgio Armani-designed gown, Katie Holmes looked like a deer caught in headlights in all of the paparazzi images taken before and after the Scientology ceremony. Her Sagittarian optimism is no match for the strangeness to come. As Saturn conjoined her moon and crossed her Leo ascendant over the past few months, Kiss Me Too Long Katie has gone through a major restructuring of her self-image. Ms. Dawson's Creek has no idea who she is anymore. Honeymoons in the Maldives are nice, but can't undo the fact that you've just married a gay alien two inches shorter than you. And putting a toupee on your baby ain't gonna cover up the fact that the world knows you didn't actually sleep with the "man" you now call your "husband".

Katie's Saturn Return officially begins next summer. Let's hope her people planned well for her, because the lawyers should be popping the cherrry on the pre-nup by late 2007. Saturn loves you, Katie, and if you heed the Cosmic Taskmaster well during your Saturn Return, karma won't come around to kick you again in thirty years. We've got our fingers crossed that you'll get out alive.

Happy 30th, Angelina

Even Uber-Goddess Angelina Jolie can't avoid inevitable tangles with Big Daddy Saturn. Ms. Jolie just had her 30th birthday on June 4th. Now that Saturn is leaving Cancer for a two and a half year stay in the constellation of Leo, watch for Jolie's focus to move from home-wrecking to domestic goddess duty.

But before her current Pitt-stop, there was Billy. None of us can forget the tattoos and pledges of undying love, can we? Her marriage to Thorton, twenty years her senior, ended in 2003, just when Saturn entered Cancer and her Saturn Return began. Notorious for her difficult relationship to famous father Jon Voight, Angelina revisited some of her heavy duty father issues with this deeply Saturnian relationship. Born with her Saturn in Cancer and in the fourth house of home and family, Ms. Jolie had a most tumultuous childhood. Now that her Saturn Return is finally over, we hope that smooth waters will prevail.

Queen Bee slammed by King Saturn

L'il Kim was was convicted of perjury today, proving once again that Saturn's lessons can be harsh ones. Kimberly Jones was born in 1975, when Saturn was last in Cancer. With her Saturn Return exact, the verdict is no surprise -- Saturn won't let us get away with much.

Farewell, Julia Child

The French Chef has left us for the great beyond. Saturn just approached her natal Neptune and detached her from the material universe, quite literally. After surviving three, count 'em, three, Saturn Returns, Lady Julia finally made the ultimate Saturnian sacrifice.

We will miss you, Julia...

Dangerous Love

Double Cancer Courtney Love is in the news again as the anniversary of Kurt Cobain's death approaches and new conspiracy theories abound. With Saturn sidling up to her sun between now and July, any karmic crimes and misdemeanors in Love's present and past are subject for the world's scrutiny. Innocent until Saturn proves guilty? One thing is for certain, Courtney will be asked to clean up her act or her physical vitality (sun) will suffer under Saturn's grip.

Women of the world donned their Manolos and raised their Cosmos high last Sunday night in honor of the fabulousness that was SATC. Devastated, I am, to see it go, but like the ladies, I understand that all good things must come to an end. Sarah Jessica Parker is one smart cookie -- she understands the meaning of time. (With her moon in Capricorn, the sign of Saturn, it's no wonder.) A sassy, kick-ass Aries chick, SJP brought the series to a close in exactly one cycle of Saturn. She knew instinctively that staying any longer at the party would wear the welcome thin.

Alas, I will miss my ladies. Appropriately, they left us longing for more during Saturn's transit through Cancer, calling the role of women in society to our attention in a BIG way.

It was repugnant, but mesmerizing, like a bad car accident.

I somehow found myself involved in last night's premiere of The Apprentice, Donald Trump's latest attention-whoring vehicle. As I watched him last night lording over his court of wannabe corporate kingpins, I felt like throwing up. And it was hard not to squint at the glare of all the guilded objects in his palatial apartment. Trump is a Leo, through and through. I find it fascinating that he is one of many millionaires with a sun-Uranus conjunction in his natal chart.

Here's the ironic part: I was accosted by one the contestants, Sam, over the summer. He tried to get me to sell lemonade for him as I walked by Joe's Pizza late one afternoon. I was annoyed at the time, but I secretly cheered last night when he didn't get fired.


I think he might even win...

"The twenties are so difficult. It is such a struggle. I'm tired of struggling. I can't wait to be 35."

-- Cameron Diaz, as quoted by Liz Smith in Glamour