The latest dispatch from the "more excuses to get drunk" department:

Birthday bashes: Turning 30 is turning into a big deal

We told you that the Saturn Return should culminate in a mind-numbingly excessive party to end all parties. If the last half of your twenties have sucked, why not celebrate your arrival at the threshold? We salute you.

And don't forget, our book makes an excellent party favor.

Is it a planet, a planetoid, or a comet?

No one can figure out Sedna, the latest discovery lurking in our solar system. Note that Sedna, christened by astronomers, NOT astrologers, takes its name from the Inuit Goddess of the Sea. The legend is fascinating, particularly in light of the fact that this heavenly body was so named under the influence of Saturn in Cancer, ruler of the sea.

Big Daddy Saturn has some potentially good news for women in their thirties that want to be mommies.

With Satun in Cancer, it's all about the womb. So expect more breaking news about reproductive rights and breakthrough reproductive technology in the coming year.

The world is pregnant with possibility, it seems...

Martha, Martha, Martha.

Martha, Martha, Martha.

You've been made the posterwoman for a generation of evil corporate despots, even though your indiscretion was minor compared to the Ken Lays and Jeffrey Skillings of the world. Some might call it backlash, but we call it Saturn.

Saturn goes direct on March 6th, making its forward march to the top of Martha's chart and crossing over many of her personal planets in the next few years. In the next few months, however, Saturn attacks Martha's Mars, calling her ambitions into question and putting her at odds with just about everyone. Consider her jury a lackey of Saturn.

I just wonder how she'll renovate her cell.

Saturn in Cancer: We've all got water on the brain.

Opportunity Rover Finds Strong Evidence That Mars Was Wet